Meet the Staff! 9

Michael Koralik, widely known as "Baby Koralik" here at Vanguard, is one of our beloved substitute teachers. He studied English at University of Iowa, and while looking for a teaching job, he's temporarily subbing. Koralik's days here consist of pretending to be his father. If you see him, congratulate him on his engagement!


AMS: What's your most embarrassing moment?
MJK: In seventh grade, I accidentally farted on a desk-chair. (That's like farting off a church pew.) The whole class and teacher turned around and stared at me.

AMS: If you could time travel, what year would you go to?
MJK: I'd go to 1992 to watch the Bulls win the 2nd championship against the Trailblazers.

AMS: If you were stranded on a tropical island, what are three things you would bring with you?
MJK: I'd bring a knife, some juice, and beef jerky.

AMS: What's your best high school memory?
MJK: Winning the park district basketball championship. It was a lot of fun.

AMS: Where do you see yourself in fifteen years?
MJK: Being a substitute teacher with six illegitimate children and a pet pony named Rodger who is addicted to cigarettes.

AMS: What is your dream job?
MJK: Writing for the Çhicago Tribune's sports section.

AMS: What dance describes you?
MJK: The Distribute. It's a long story...

AMS: What's your dug out song?
MJK: "Teenage Dream" by Katy Perry. It gets my engines running.

AMS: What actor would play you in a movie of your life?
MJK: Verne Troyer. (Mini-me from Austin Powers.)

AMS: If you were on death row, what would you have for your last supper?
MJK: I'd have chicken enchilladas.

AMS: Do you have Beiber Fever?
MJK: NO! He's a bum.

Interview by Annemarie Schaefer